Hindi Marinig

Nangumpisal si Kulas sa mga kasalanang nagawa niya:

Father: anak, ndi ka papatawarin.

Kulas: ha! bakit Father?

Father: kase may kasalanan ka pa na hindi mo binabanggit

Kulas: ano po yun Father?

Father: ikaw ba kumuha ng perang donasyon sa altar?

Kulas: ano po yun Father?

Father: ikaw ba kumuha ng perang donasyon sa altar?!

Kulas: di ko po talaga marinig Father, gusto mo palit tayo ng pwesto?

(nagpalit sila ng pwesto)

Father: sige magtanong ka

Kulas: ikaw ba nakabuntis kay Anna na labandera?!

Father: ay totoo nga ndi nga marinig dito!

The New Priest

Father Patrick was talking to his replacement in a small village church. ‘Father Michael,’ he says, ‘you’ll be looking after my flock from now on.’ ‘But where do I start?’ the young priest replies. ‘You’ve been hearing confessions for over 50 years, I’ll be lost.’ ‘Don’t worry,’ says Father Patrick, ‘I’ve written a list of sins and absolutions on the wall in the confessional box. Look up the sin and it will tell you next to it what to say. After a while you’ll get to know the congregation and you’ll be okay.’ One week later, Father Michael is sitting in the confessional box looking at his mentor’s list when his first visitor arrives. ‘Forgive me Father, for I have sinned,’ says a female voice. ‘I had to give my husband a gobble last night.’ The priest searches the wall but can’t find the correct reply anywhere. In desperation he pulls open the curtain of the box and stops a choirboy. ‘Oi! What did the old priest give for a gobble?’ ‘A Kit-Kat,’ the lad replies.

Nervous Bride

The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so he asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid that she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.

First the aisle, because that is what you'll be walking down.
Secondly, the altar because that is where you will arrive.
Finally, remember the hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.

While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words

...Aisle, altar, hymn (I'll alter him)