The New Priest

Father Patrick was talking to his replacement in a small village church. ‘Father Michael,’ he says, ‘you’ll be looking after my flock from now on.’ ‘But where do I start?’ the young priest replies. ‘You’ve been hearing confessions for over 50 years, I’ll be lost.’ ‘Don’t worry,’ says Father Patrick, ‘I’ve written a list of sins and absolutions on the wall in the confessional box. Look up the sin and it will tell you next to it what to say. After a while you’ll get to know the congregation and you’ll be okay.’ One week later, Father Michael is sitting in the confessional box looking at his mentor’s list when his first visitor arrives. ‘Forgive me Father, for I have sinned,’ says a female voice. ‘I had to give my husband a gobble last night.’ The priest searches the wall but can’t find the correct reply anywhere. In desperation he pulls open the curtain of the box and stops a choirboy. ‘Oi! What did the old priest give for a gobble?’ ‘A Kit-Kat,’ the lad replies.